Ok, this is a bit weird. Penned (literally) in the wee hours of this morning.
What started out as a normal pregnancy massage revealed a great dis-service to women.
A first time mother, new to the area, going to a local hospital to have her baby. She’s living a great distance from her family, so her support network is limited. During her pre-natal classes, she became even more distressed. She has just been told she will be discharged from the hospital 3 hours after she gives birth – 5 at the most. She tells me she’s concerned about the car ride home and not really knowing what to do. She is also concerned she will be alone with only her husband to help her in the early days. What’s interesting about this story, is she’s not the first to tell me this. It’s also interesting she’s not scared of labour or the pain. She’s worried about where she’s having the baby.
When a post natal mother told me of her birth and post birth experience, I was saddened. She’d had a prolonged labour, her baby was in posterior position, she’d been induced and eventually, due to exhaustion and extreme pain, her baby was born by cesarean section. 48 hours later, after much confusion, she was discharged. She was struggling with breastfeeding, her incision wound was becoming infected and was feeling miserable. 3 days after being discharged, she gave up breastfeeding. As she had moved to the area not long before her baby was born, she came home to little family support and no social connections.
My story you’ve heard, but it’s not unlike these two. I spent my entire pregnancy freaking out. Labour was the least of my worries. I live away from my family, having moved to the city from the country. I didn’t really know my neighbours. My in-laws and friends all worked. In those early days, I had no idea what I was doing, nor who I could turn to for help. I was very lucky in some ways. When my daughter was 6 weeks old, I fell to pieces. My parents were 4 hours away. My husband was at work and without a car. My parents in-law were at work and my brother in law didn’t have a car or license. The earliest any of these people could have got to me was an hour. All my friends were at work except one. She had recently resigned her job in preparation to return to study, and was house sitting around the corner from me. She took my call and was able to help me. She came to my aid without judgement or expectations. She held my daughter while I ate some lunch. She talked to me about stuff. She brought me back from the brink. To this day, I believe she saved both my daughters and my life. I was lucky.
Why am I telling you these stories? Because I believe pregnant women and new mums are being treated badly. Not just by the hospitals but in general. Women are returning home (and rapidly) with new babies, without support. More and more, I finding my clients telling me similar stories of having little or no support in the early weeks post birth. They are scared and don’t have social and family reassurance that previous generations had. Many are the first amongst their friends and family to have children and don’t have experience with babies or what to expect when pregnant. Sometimes all they need is someone to explain what’s happened or happening. A chat with the local breastfeeding association informed me the area I work and live in has the lowest breastfeeding rates in Melbourne. I always thought is was because of cultural and family influences or lack of support once they get home. Perhaps not. Maybe it’s because the new mums and bubs aren’t getting the help they need in the beginning. Maybe the incidence of post natal depression would be lower if there were support programs in place.
I’m looking for answers and suggestions. Please leave a comment as to where you found help and support. Maybe we can help someone without even knowing them.